From
Future-tripping
to
Being here now
“Volcano” : Digital collage by Natalie
You spend a lot of time tripping out about the future.
Your mind races.
You won’t let yourself rest until you’ve planned for every possible thing that could go wrong. Paralysis sets in when it seems like every option is a bad one.
Some people call this “anxiety.”
There is a horror movie maker inside your mind.
I know it well, because I have one too.
It has some common messages:
You’re not enough
Everyone is judging you
You’ll be safe if you are perfect
The future is uncertain
You need to plan everything out exactly correctly in order to make sure it turns out okay
It brings up memories of past catastrophes to scare the shit out of you on a regular basis.
Being in your body is so uncomfortable.
Your chest, jaw, and throat are tight. You have a hard time speaking, let alone thinking straight. Your heart races.
Sometimes you’re so anxious, you feel like you’re dying.
It’s basically impossible to just sit still and be quiet with yourself.
And you have a hard time connecting with other people, too.
You’re either “mind reading” all of their judgments about you, or else your mind is wandering to your to-do list.
You’ve got strategies for trying to keep life’s wild unplanned unpredictability away from your door —
Your planners, your schedules, your rules for the people in your life.
But they don’t work. Life keeps throwing you curve-balls that you couldn’t have seen coming, and then all of a sudden everything is chaos all over again.
It’s overwhelming.
I know what it’s like.
I used to have crazy anxiety.
I remember walking through public places feeling completely humiliated, like there was a spotlight on me and every stranger was criticizing me — mentally picking apart my every flaw.
I would lie awake at night…
Planning out my whole schedule over and over again.
Having imaginary arguments with people.
Thinking about what I would do if someone I love died.
Replaying conversations and berating myself for the stupid things I said.
Thinking about it all, over and over and over again… never feeling safe, capable, or prepared enough.
I know what it’s like to keep chasing that sense of resolve… to keep feeling like you’re so close to figuring it all out, if only you keep analyzing the situation…
But the more you think about the problems, the more they multiply. Nothing is ever settled.
Hours pass, and you get no sleep.
You rush through the day in a haze, talking with people but not really being present. Eating food but not tasting it. Smiling but not feeling it.
It’s always a weird mixture of emptiness and chaos going on inside.
(Check out my blog post 3 Reasons Why It’s So Hard to Let Go of Anxiety for more about how anxiety keeps you sucked in, and what you can do about it.)
“On the Outside, Looking In” : Digital collage by Natalie
I am so happy to say that anxiety and perfectionism no longer define my life.
I learned how to re-train my brain to not give me such a hard time, and I want to teach you to feel more calm, confident, and comfortable in your skin, too.
“Energetic Egg” : Digital collage by Natalie
What does healing look like?
The Buddhists say, “The mind is a wonderful servant, and a terrible master.”
I want to teach you how to master your mind and make it do what you want.
You feel anxiety when you believe your mind’s negative predictions about the future, or when it pretends to know all the nasty things people are thinking about you.
One of my clients called this fearful, pessimistic, morbid part of her mind
“The Freaky Fortune Teller.”
I think that’s a brilliant way of describing it.
The process of healing is all about developing a different relationship with The Freaky Fortune Teller.
Up to this point, you’ve been getting lost in the stories it tells. You spend too much of your precious time getting freaked out watching the horror movie maker’s shows.
How much time have you ever spent looking at the mind ?
The one who makes the movies? The one who predicts the future?
The one who actually creates most of your problems?
Do you automatically believe it? Take everything it says at face value?
What might it be like to start questioning the part of your mind that says everything is going to be terrible unless you make yourself sick with worry?
And I don’t mean arguing with it, because that doesn’t work, either.
You find healing when you feel so powerful and confident in yourself that you are able to simply ignore it.
That is what I want to teach you how to do:
To get your mental energy back from the “Freaky Fortune Teller.”
To put you back in control of your own mind.
It’s simple, but not easy. It takes practice, and I want to be there to support you along the way.
This radical shift will allow you to think about what you want to think about. You could use your mental resources for clarity, creativity, and fulfillment.
You could slow down and actually enjoy life.
I believe you can do this!
Your mind is so powerful, and you are so smart!
If you could have solved all of these problems by thinking about them, you would have done it by now.
I know you could really get some cool shit done if you learned to point the laser focus of your mind toward your own healing.