3 Reasons Why It's So Hard to Let Go of Anxiety
So, you’re thinking about learning to retrain your brain and actually enjoy your life?
“Not so fast!” says Anxiety.
Your anxiety might be making you anxious right now about the idea of change.
It’s sad, but y’all have a love/hate relationship that can be hard to let go of.
Here’s a look at some of the most common reasons women are tempted to stay in the abusive relationship with what Michael Singer calls your “crazy roommate” — the voice of your fear that won’t leave you alone.
1.) Anxiety helps you feel in control.
You think you can plan everything out so that it’ll go perfectly. It gives you the sense that you are the master of your own destiny, and you can bend the world to your will… if only you strategize for long enough.
Unfortunately, what it gives you is an illusion of control, and when life gets especially chaotic, you are completely overwhelmed and paralyzed by the realization that you don’t know what to do.
The worst part is, you probably could have responded well if you had all your wits about you!
But you’ve already had so many sleepless nights and wasted so much mental energy worrying, you’re way too frazzled and worn out to make good decisions at all.
The Lie
Anxiety says, “Worrying will help you to prepare.”
The Truth
The more you worry, the less prepared you are to face whatever life throws at you. You’ll be more likely to lose control of the situation when you don’t have a well-rested mind that has practiced paying close attention to the details of what is actually happening in the moment.
2.) Worrying feels productive.
Thinking a lot about the future seems like responsibly planning. Isn’t that what being an adult is all about? Isn’t that what we’re supposed to be doing?
And sure, maybe that is what our society says.
But how does it feel?
My impression is — you’re here because it sucks.
The Lie
Anxiety says, “It is not practical to just sit around and enjoy yourself. There is too much to do.”
The Truth
You become less productive when you don’t take time to rest and recharge.
And, of course, there’s nothing we can do about most of the things we worry over.
3.) Anxiety motivates you to get things done.
You depend on that panicked energy to push through procrastination.
You worry that you won’t stay on track with things that are important to you if you don’t have anxiety yelling at you all the time.
Unfortunately, procrastination is caused by anxiety.
It might be the worry that you won’t do something well.
Or, on the flipside, maybe you’ll do so well that everyone’s standards will be so high, and you won’t be able to keep living up to it later on.
The real problem is this: You know what to do to take care of yourself, but you don’t see yourself as someone worthy of being taken care of.
When there is an outside pressure, you can get things done. You let the panic of deadlines and relationship crises drive you to do things for other people.
But you don’t prioritize yourself because you don’t like yourself very much.
You’ve gotten so good at managing crises that you don’t know what to do with yourself when things are calm.
The Lie
Anxiety says, “I am useful. You wouldn’t be able to get anything done without me.”
The Truth
Anxiety doesn’t help you get things done nearly as often as it prevents you from getting things done.
Your mind is amazing, and you have many more mental resources available to you when you aren’t drained by worry.
And most importantly, if you learned to care about yourself, you would be motivated to do things for yourself without needing anxiety to push you.
What To Do About It
Healing starts with practicing not believing the lies that anxiety tells you about how you can’t live without it.
You could start to see anxiety not as your protector, but as it really is:
A parasite that has been eating all of your motivation and good, positive energy.
It is a practice — especially since there are so many messages in our society that say there’s something wrong with you if you’re not stressed and busy all the time.
If you would like some help taking your power back from anxiety and putting your energy toward happiness and fulfillment instead, give me a call or book a free 20-minute consult.